So it’s really hard to meet new people these days. Especially in person.
More and more are we relying on electronic devices to provide a digital solution to our human connection needs. And hey sometimes that is a good thing. I mean lets be fair Facebook has allowed me and everyone else to get back in touch and stay connected to friends from the past. People who we would no longer have a method to reach if it wasn’t for them. They also allow communication and exchange with people who would other wise be separated by distance to keep updated with their comings and goings.
We see pictures and status updates of what is going on with their life. Oh and if we are really enthused by that we can say what the hell and give them a like. Maybe if we are particularly moved we can throw in the occasional comment (if like me mostly sarcasm or some for of derogatory comment.)
But with the advent of this, communication real human communication is being lost.
We now no longer connect with people we exchange information. You see there is a ladder of communication and on its lowest rung lies exchange. Only slightly higher up the ladder comes connection. Now connection is not bad when it comes to communication the fact of the matter is that connection is great we all love to connect yet we are getting further and further away from that.
With the advent of SMS/text messaging, Twitters” 140 characters and countless other digital devices, our method of communication has been limited to an exchange of ideas and thoughts in short format.
This in and of itself sounds fine, but the reality is that it verbally but more importantly humanly it isolates us from the rest of our fellow earth dwellers.
I have a question, and it is this. How often do you speak to strangers? Actually, when was the last time you spoke to a stranger?
Let’s take this a little further, when was the last time you gave a stranger a simple greeting like “hello” or ‘Good morning”?
If you are one of the bold people who says I do that all the time, then ask yourself when was the last time you tried to find out from a stranger what made them unique and special?
A number of years ago the author Neil Strauss wrote quite a controversial book called “The Game” about an underground society of pick up artists. The book introduced the masses to many concepts of how it is possible for men to systematically and strategically have a process to meet connect and then seduce women. Interesting stuff.
Within the book a concept was introduced called “approach anxiety”. What it is is as the name suggests is an uncomfortable feeling/fear (even dread) at the thought of walking up to an attractive woman, with the view of trying to get to know her and then effectively chat her up.
They gave evolutionary reasons for this about how if we got it wrong we would be ostracized from our tribe and could likely die because of this etc.
I was familiar with the feeling, if in small doses, and sort of understood the reason why (after all hot women are scary and could probably beat you in a fist fight).
At the time I assumed that approach anxiety was confined only within the terms of meeting and connecting to people of the opposite sex who you had romantic aspirations with.
However, this now appears to me to be not true.
More and more do I see this phenomenon happening with every day people. We are losing the ability to talk to other people in general.
I know you may be thinking “so what” but i will tell you why this is important. In business there is an expression “your network is your net worth”. OK so you don’t care about business! So how does it effect your everyday life.
Well Anthony Robbins the well known peak performance strategist has stated you will become the average of the 5 people you spend time with.
What happens if the only people in your life are total dipshits and all they do is drag you down?
If you have no way to meet new people your screwed.
Never mind that more than anything else people are what most effect the quality of your life.
In fact on a side note the quickest way i know to change your lot in life for the better, is to start to surround yourself with people who you admire and inspire you.
If you can’t speak to these people how on earth are you going to bring them into your life.
So if you feel that you are having trouble meeting new people start to exercise your conversational skills.
You can start small and work up. Smile at a stranger until you get one to smile back.
Say “Hello’ to a stranger until you get a hello back.
Ask a stranger how their day is going until you get a reply. Then hey tell them about your day.
Build on this until you get to the point where you get good at conversation. (I will write more on the art of conversation at a later stage but for now you should practice the building blocks)
Once you get good at talking to strangers you will become more and more socially confident which makes you more socially attractive. People will gravitate towards you and want to be in your company.
As other peoples social skills decline through technology your skills with ascend through practice and repetition. As you become better and this you will become a leader of men/women, after all we naturally gravitate to people with charisma and charm and that is what you will attain by this process.
So before I go I want to leave you with a poem i read as a very young man. It changed my life for the better all those years ago without ever realising it. I would suggest you read it often and adopt the sentiments contained within it. So here it is from Walt Whitman.
To You
STRANGER! if you, passing, meet me, and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me?
And why should I not speak to you?
Have fun talking to people. Practice every day.
Snowy